


so won't the real slim shady please stand up

by Frival



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America Being an Idiot (Hetalia), Awkward Crush, Awkward Russia (Hetalia), Birthday Presents, Brothers America & Canada (Hetalia), Brothers America & England (Hetalia), Fluff, M/M, Other, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frival/pseuds/Frival
Summary: it's alfred's birthday, and russia has no clue on what to get him.
Relationships: America/Russia (Hetalia)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 67





	so won't the real slim shady please stand up

**Author's Note:**

> happy late birthday to the only america I care about  
> also for some reason the song that inspired this is the real slim shady by eminem

Alfred sat anxiously on the bed, soft blankets wrapped tightly around his body. His eyes were glued to the alarm clock sitting on his nightstand. 

“ **11:58 p.m.** ” it read.

The blonde puffed out his cheeks and tapped his finger restlessly against his knee. “ _Two more minutes_ ,” he thought. “ _Two more minutes until the best day of the year._ ” 

The Fourth of July was his favorite holiday, for obvious reasons. How could anybody’s favorite holiday be anything but their birthdays? Granted, most people’s birthdays weren’t national holidays. 

Whatever, this just made his even more special. Alfred loved the attention he got on this day. He loved seeing his people excited to celebrate with vibrant fireworks and the most typical American food you can think of. He was well over two hundred years old, but still young enough- compared to other nations- to feel the childlike joy that came with birthdays. 

Alfred read the clock again. 

**11:59 p.m.**

He reached for his phone, ready to call Arthur as soon as the clock struck midnight. This call was one of his favorite birthday traditions. It began with letters every year and eventually progressed to phone calls with the advancement of communication methods. 

Finally, the clock struck midnight. Alfred pressed the call button. It rang once before being picked up. 

“Yes, I know,” Arthur’s voice crackled from the speaker. “Happy birthday, Alfred.” His voice was soft despite the annoyed tone.

The younger nation beamed. “You remembered!”

He could practically see his brother’s eyes rolling when he sighed. “That’s a stupid joke; you never let me forget.”

Alfred cackled. “Why would I want you to forget the anniversary of me kicking your ass?” 

Arthur choked on the other end. “That’s ancient history, no need to bring it up.” 

“Yeah, you would know about ancient history all right.”

“Are you calling me old?”

“Sorry, couldn’t hear you over the dust coming out of your ‘thousand-year-old mouth.”

“That doesn’t even make any bloody sense!”

Alfred laughed again, a softer smile resting on his face. “Are you coming over later today?” 

“Ah, about that,” Arthur coughed. “I can’t.”

The American frowned. “Why not?”

“I have important work to attend to here, my boss won’t let me leave for today. I’m sorry.” Alfred felt his stomach drop a little. No matter how much his brother got on his nerves, he always looked forward to seeing him on the fourth. 

“I think you’re just coming up with an excuse because you forgot to get me a birthday gift,” he cracked a joke.

Arthur scoffed. “That’s a load of ass, of course, I got you a present.”

  
  


“Yeah I know, you never don’t.” Alfred tried to hide the disappointment in his voice, but it must’ve been obvious anyway.

Arthur sighed once again. “I’ll make up for it, we can go to a pub or one of the insanely themed restaurants you have over there. I promise.”

Alfred shook his head and grinned. “Dude, chill out, it’s okay!” he said. “There’s gonna be hundreds of more birthdays for you to spoil me on “

“Alright, whatever you say. I’ll at least visit later this week to give you your present.”

Alfred yawned, stretching his back. “Okay, sounds good.”

“Go to bed, Alfred, you need rest if you’re gonna celebrate all day,” Arthur sounded less annoyed than earlier. “Happy birthday.

“Thanks, man! Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Arthur hung up. 

Alfred plopped his phone down next to him and flopped down onto his pillow. Staring at the ceiling, he let his disappointment be drowned out by excitement for the rest of the day’s plans. He looked over at his alarm clock again. 

**12:03 a.m.**

Huddling down further into his pile of blankets, he fell asleep. 

* * *

When Alfred woke up, it was eight o’clock. Kicking the blankets off and checking his phone, he saw he had multiple new messages. 

> **_From Matthew_ **
> 
> **_7:31 a.m._ **
> 
> **_Francis and I will be coming by later! Please clean up. Happy birthday btw :)_ **

Alfred snickered. “ _Sorry Matthew, not gonna happen_ ,” he thought. 

> **_From Kiku_ **
> 
> **_6:18 a.m._ **
> 
> **_Alfred, happy birthday. I have sent you a card in the mail. I hope you received it in proper condition._ **

The blonde made a note to check the mail later. Quickly, he glances through the rest of the messages and responds shortly to each one. 

> **_From Mathias_ **
> 
> **_5:00 a.m._ **
> 
> **_Alfred!!! Happy birthday!!! From your Nordic buddies!!! :DDDDD_**

> **_From Toris_ **
> 
> **_6:30 a.m._ **
> 
> **_Happy birthday, Alfred._ **
> 
> **_From Tino_ **
> 
> **_7:28 a.m._ **
> 
> **_Happy birthday from Berwald and I! I made you a cake :) It should be on your doorstep, but no promises that it made it there safely! Hopefully, it will still taste good squished._**

> **_From Gilbert_ **
> 
> **_Just now_ **
> 
> **_Whatever Ludwig and Feli got you is from me too don’t let them tell you it wasn’t! Elizabeta and Roderich say happy birthday I guess but their birthday wishes don’t matter as much as mine. HAVE AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY._ **

By the time Alfred was finished responding to everyone, his chest was full of warmth. He as much as he loved all the attention, he appreciated all the messages even more. 

The news that Matthew and Francis were coming over later made his disappointment over not seeing Arthur not as prominent. Excitement buzzed through his body. 

He got up to prepare for the day, getting dressed and doing the bare minimum of cleaning he could get away with. He checked the mail, where Kiku’s card was waiting for him. Two packages sat by his door. 

Alfred sat the packages down on the kitchen table and sat down to open them and the card. 

Pulling the thing out of the envelope was a little difficult, which was funny to Alfred. Typical of Kiku to tightly close his letters. The card itself was small and white, a small hand-drawn drawing on the front depicted a realistic-looking waving American flag. On the flag, there was a Japanese character. He opened it and read the delicate handwriting of his Japanese friend.

_Alfred,_

_Happy birthday. I apologize for not getting you a more extravagant gift; I hope this will be enough. The drawing is simply a sketch, but I figured you would appreciate it anyway. I know how much you love your star-spangled pattern._

Alfred laughed. That wasn’t completely true. He actually thought American flag print on everything could like pretty damn tacky. Whatever, he knew his best friend meant well. 

_Anyway, as I said, happy birthday. I plan to visit later this year, in Autumn. I miss having “Crazy America Fun Time.”_

_\- "Keeks"_

_P.S. : )_

Yup, it was official. Kiku was his best friend, no matter how much the smaller nation insisted otherwise. Alfred had a deep respect and admiration for him, as did Kiku for him. Years of complex history tended to do that to people. 

He was gonna treasure this card forever, and potentially use it for blackmail the next time Kiku was yelling at him about surprise visits. 

Next were the two packages. Alfred opened Tino’s first, and sure enough, there was a squished vanilla cake in a tin pan. The lid had somehow been dented, causing the icing to smear and a large hole to appear in the middle of the American flag. The words were barely legible. 

**_PPY 4TH F ULY!”_ **

He stuck his finger in the tacky flag cake and lifted it to have a taste. The icing was creamy and almost overbearingly sweet. Alfred grinned, it was just how he liked it! “ _Tino, you’ve done it again dammit.”_

  
  


He put the glum-looking cake in the fridge before sitting back down to open the other package. It was a little larger and heavier. He took a pair of scissors and cut the tape open and then looked inside at its contents. 

Inside was a small terracotta pot wrapped in bubbling wrap, a packet of seeds, an envelop, and a card. Upon further inspection, he realized that the packet consisted of chamomile seeds. 

Alfred placed the pot and seeds to the side and reached for the envelope. Inside were multiple sheets of paper that appeared to have various recipes for Italian dishes; he knew immediately who’s gift this was. 

He picked up the card, which was clearly bought from a cheap drug-store. He laughed loudly when he looked at the front. On it was a beagle wearing a superman costume, and a speech bubble coming from its mouth which read: **“To Dad! My number one hero!”**

Inside there was a note. 

_Dear Alfred,_

_Apologies for the card. Gilbert chose it, and he refused to let us have any say in the matter. He said something about irony and how only you would understand the humor behind it. I tried insisting that it was inappropriate, but Feliciano convinced me to keep it. The pot and seeds are from me, although the seed suggestions I got from a certain Russian you know. I thought it was a good idea to get you a gift that allowed you to practice some semblance of responsibility. If you need any assistance on how to care for the flowers, do some research._

Alfred paused and laughed again. Of course, Ivan would find some way to sneak something like that into someone else’s gift. He was sure to be smug about it the next time Alfred saw him. In fact, he decided to shoot a quick message Ivan’s way.

> **_To Ivan_ **
> 
> **_9:43 a.m._ **
> 
> **_Really? Your national flower? Bold of you to assume I’ll actually plant the damn things LOL_ **

The American picked the letter back up and continued to read.

_Alfred! Italy here._

_I didn’t really know what to get you this year, but Lud gave me an idea. Here are some of my sacred Italian recipes! They are very delicious, even when made by an American. Don’t go spreading these around, they’re SACRED! Oh! Also, Gilbert provided the pot. He pitched a fit until Lud let him have more than just the silly card, so he was told to buy the pot that came with Lud’s gift._

_\- Ludwig and Feliciano (and Gilbert)_

_P.S. It’s me! Gilbert! They tried to hide the letter from me so I couldn’t write anything in it, but I took it out of the envelope to write this. Anyway, told you that my gift was a part of theirs!_

Alfred was smiling broadly again, and that warmth was back. Today kept getting more and more enjoyable. He was extremely happy to know that Ivan had in fact remembered his birthday, and even went as far as to give advice for Ludwig’s gift. Still, he wished he heard directly from the Russian himself. 

He looked at his phone to check for a response from the mentioned nation. 

**_Read at 9:45 a.m._ **

“ _Did I just get left on read? The fuck?_ ” he thought. Ivan never left anyone on read! Even when he wasn’t particularly in the mood to speak to anyone, he made sure to respond. In fact, now that he thought about it, Ivan usually would have said something to him by this time in the day. 

Great, now his mood was ruined. Thanks to Ivan, as usual. Maybe he should give the other blonde the silent treatment for today, and then pout next time he saw him. Yeah, that’s what he would do.

* * *

It was two o’clock in the afternoon, and Alfred was having the worst day of his life. First, he had tried to eat some of Tino’s amazingly sweet cake for lunch but dropped it on the floor when he took it out of the fridge. Second, he broke the terracotta pot that Ludwig had given him. How it happened, he wasn’t sure, one moment it was fine and the next it practically just fell apart in his hands. It likely had gotten damaged during shipping, but that didn’t stop Alfred from feeling absolutely horrible about it. Third, here he was on his couch, staring at a blank TV screen, and receiving the worst phone call of his life.

“Alfred, I’m so sorry, we told our bosses that we needed the day free!” Canada said on the other end of the line.

Francis’s voice cut in, his accent thick. “ _Oui_! We did, alas they called us ten minutes ago. They want to meet with us about...some political things?”

Canada sighed. “We didn’t exactly get to hear them over Francis’ profanity…” The poor man sounded tired. 

“I tried convincing them to let us come in a few hours later, but they would have mone of it!” 

They spoke for a few more minutes, Matthew apologizing the entire time, and Alfred insisting that it was okay because he had plenty of other plans, which was a lie. When the two nations eventually hung up, Alfred was left alone with his thoughts. There was nobody to talk to or hang out with on his birthday.

Feeling dejected, he turned the TV on and flipped to the first channel to could think of.

* * *

Ivan read the message over and over, feeling a weird mix of emotions including amusement and panic. That was sent nearly 6 hours ago. He felt bad for not responding, as he usually does, but for some reason, he just didn’t. Well, at least he knows one of his gift ideas was a success; even though it wasn’t technically his gift. He hoped his actual present would be even more of one.

He stood outside of Alfred’s apartment with a neatly wrapped box in hand. He was hesitant to knock. What if Alfred hated it?

Weeks ago, when he was attending a meeting with Alfred, the American had taken note of Ivan’s scarf.

“How the hell can you wear that in this heat and not pass out?” he had asked. Ivan blushed and admitted that it was more of a comfort scarf than one to actually protect his neck from the cold. 

“Really? Shit maybe I need a comfort scarf,” Alfred laughed.

That short interaction stuck in Ivan’s mind, and so when the younger nation’s birthday was brought up he knew just what to get him as a present. 

The problem was, Ivan didn’t exactly know what kind of scarf Alfred would like. Did he want one that was long and thick so he could have it in colder weather? Did he want a smaller light one just for style purposes? Did he want a monochrome color scheme or one overflowing with color?

Ivan had pondered this over this for days and searched every store and online shop he could find. He decided that he would know the perfect scarf when he saw it. And find it he did. 

On an open auction website, he came across one for a hand-sewn American flag-themed scarf. Everything about it seemed to be perfect. High quality and patriotic- everything Alfred valued in a product. It was a little pricey, but that was expected for a handcrafted scarf. So, he bought it.

When he received the package and took the thing out, he decided it was the ugliest thing he’d ever seen. It came exactly as promised. If it wasn’t so horrid looking, Ivan might have kept it for himself. 

He convinced himself that he was sure Alfred would love it. But now, actually prepared to give the scarf to his American friend, he wasn’t so sure. 

Ivan exhaled and rose his fist to knock on the door. He knocked 5 times and then waited. Almost immediately he heard frantic shuffling on the other side of the door, and the faint noise of television being shut off. The door swung open.

“Ivan?” Alfred exclaimed, clearly surprised. He was still in his pajamas- plaid pants and oversized tee and all. His hair was still in its bedhead state, and his glasses were sitting crooked on his nose. “Fuck, if I knew you were coming over I wouldn’t have gone back to sleep.”

Ivan smiled, eyes crinkling. “You’re a mess.”

Alfred blushed. “Yeah yeah I know, no need to be so rude.” the blonde gestured into the apartment with his arms. “C’mon, you’re letting the heat out.”

The Russian walked into the apartment and noted that it was a bit messy.

“Have you cleaned since the last time I was here?” he turned to Alfred, who was closing the door.

“Did you come here to criticize me about everything?” he crossed his arms. 

“That wasn’t my original intention, but it might as well be.” 

Alfred smirked, clearly trying to hide his amusement. “Whatever, just sit down. You thirsty or something?”

“Water?”

“God you’re needy,” Alfred walked off into the kitchen. 

Ivan looked around the room, the walls seemed to be covered every square inch with posters or shelves with video games, books, and figurines. The couch cushions were untidy, and blankets were strewn across the furniture. He cleared a spot to sit down and put the gift box on the coffee table. 

“Ya know you’re the only person to visit me today,” Alfred said, walking back into the room and handing Ivan a glass of water.

“What about Arthur?” Ivan asked.

Alfred shrugged. “Boss stuff I guess, he said he’ll come by later this week to make up for it.” 

“What about Matthew? Francis?” Ivan cocked his head in question.

“Oh boy, you’re not gonna believe why they couldn’t visit,” 

Ivan laughed. “Boss stuff?”

“Boss stuff.” The other man nodded. “I got a bunch of happy birthday messages though. Tino sent a cake; Ludwig, Feli, and Gilbert sent some gifts, but you probably already know that,” he winked. 

“Ludwig asked me one day if you liked any kind of plant, so I lied and told him you loved chamomiles,” Ivan said, smugly. 

“I never said I didn’t,” Alfred’s eyes twinkled. 

Ivan gulped. “What happened the cake?”

Alfred’s smile immediately dropped from his face. “Dropped it before I even got to eat it”

Ivan burst out laughing. “You’re so stupid,”

“I am not! It was a tragic accident!”

“I’m sure,” Ivan chuckled. “Anyway, I, uh, brought you something.” The nerves were back.

“Yeah I noticed, just didn’t want to be rude by asking,” Alfred wouldn’t stop grinning. He seemed happy to just have some company. 

“That’s new.”

“Shut up and give me my present!”

Once again Ivan laughed. He handed over the box, and Alfred immediately began to open it. After all the paper was off, the lifted the lid off of the box. He stared into it blankly, seeming to have lost any and all words.

Slowly the nation pulled the scarf out of the box, holding it out in front of his face. His face was still blank. Ivan began to panic, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck.

“I- Uh, if you don’t like it...I can return it. You just mentioned something a while ago about needing a scarf so I thought I’d-”

“Dude, shut up,” he was interrupted. Ivan looked back up. Suddenly, he had an armful of America. 

The younger nation hugged Ivan tightly, laughing almost hysterically. “It’s fucking great! Oh my god,” he leaned back and held the scarf back up. “Look at it! It’s so ugly! Holy shit-” he broke out into even more hysterical laughter. 

Ivan was completely and utterly confused. “You actually like it?”

“Are you kidding?” Alfred’s eyes stopped scanning the scarf to look back at his companion. “I love it! I’m never gonna wear it, but I’m gonna treasure this thing!” 

“That wasn’t exactly my intention…”

“Bro don’t even worry about that, I ain’t gotta wear the comfort scarf for it to be a comfort scarf,” Alfred hugged him again. “Thank you, man, seriously. This is great.” 

Ivan was fiddling with the ends of his own scarf, clearly embarrassed from the praise. “You’re welcome.” 

“You’re so adorable, oh my god, look at how red your face is!” Alfred was laughing again.

“Be quiet, my face is not red.”

“Dude it totally is.”

“Maybe it’s time I go.” Ivan pushed himself up suddenly. 

He was stopped by Alfred grabbing his wrist. “No no no! I’m sorry,” he said between giggles. “Stay?”

And with Alfred looking at Ivan like that, how could he possibly say no?


End file.
